Book Notes
Tera Tujhko Arpan,
My Life, Your Gift
Mrs Anand, long-time resident of New Delhi, broke down on the occasion of her 50th birthday, desolate for the presence of the Lord Krishna in her life. Sai Krishna entered her life and the life of her family. Translated from the Hindi original, Mrs Anand writes of the mystical and spiritual events in her life and that of her family, from that time.
Through her husband, the author came into contact with Dr B.S.Goel, whose Indian title as Guru was Sri Siddhieswar Baba. He was a realised preceptor, who worked in the same government department as her husband. Soon, they were to live in the same building as Sri Gurudev, as he was known. It was this guru who directed Mrs Anand and her family to take up bhajans and service in the local Sai Seva Samithi (Sai Centre or group).
At this time, Swami revealed himself through dreams as Gurudev in the life of this devotee. The following question and answer help the reader to understand this situation (which is not unusual for one who was born in India) and how the guidance of the guru always pointed to the Lotus Feet. Mrs Anand writes:
On one occasion, after an experience where he appeared in my dream and blessed me, I prayerfully asked him, "Gurudev, you came in my dream and blessed me. Are you always aware of the experiences you grant to us?" He smiled at my innocent question and said with marked humility "It's all the doing of Bhagavan Baba. Child, it is only Bhagavan Baba who assumes my form at certain times to grant you an experience, because you have faith in this form. No guru is fully aware of the experiences his name and form are granting to his devotees, as there is only One Guru in the entire Universe and that Guru has now assumed the form of Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba in Kali Yuga; I am merely an instrument." I really consider myself fortunate to have witnessed from close quarters such humility, such nothingness and such unassuming nature of Gurudev, the unmistakable hallmarks of greatness. I offer my salutations to my Gurudev who proved by these words that as the fragrance from a flower and a wave from the ocean, he and Bhagavan were indistinguishable from each other.
Gurudev later instructed Mrs Anand and other disciples: "Keep on chanting the name of God and meditating. Continue your household duties and also go on praying to Baba. There will come a time when the graceful Lord will take you across the ocean of birth and death. I am just a medium. Bhagavan Baba knows everything - whom to call and through whom."
Replete with spiritual experiences, the narrative traces Mrs Anand's experience both with Gurudev and Sathya Sai Baba, and the entire family took up devotion to the latter, enthusiastically. Mrs Anand's husband is editor of Sanathana Sarathi. Mrs Anand trained as an Early Childhood Educator and was ignorant of the ways and meanings of kundalini rising and attendant spiritual experiences and phenomena. However, she had 100% trust and faith in both Gurudev and Sathya Sai Baba.
The author's first exposure to Sathya Sai Baba occurred when she was selected for Seva Dal duty at Prashanti Nilayam. Her first vision of Sai was with a blue halo encircling Baba's head. Deeper immersion into the activities of the Sai Seva Samithi followed - bhajan leader, study circle leader and bal vikas guru. This is the personal spiritual narrative of one ascending in spiritual consciousness. For example, the author would be doing the dishes in the kitchen, and she saw herself totally detached from the activity. News of the accidental death of a nephew produced tears and sorrow when the news was shared; yet, thereafter, Mrs Anand was aware that she was detached from this sorrowful event.
Mrs Anand shares her surprise on her first reading of the Bhagavad Gita:
When I had first read the Bhagavad Gita, I was surprised to read that the Spirit is eternal and imperishable. I feel that it is next to impossible to understand the full import of these mystical references without personal experience, and that this experience, in turn, can be attained only with the grace of God. Once this grace dawns through the grace of a realised master, then no other wisdom, intelligence and reasoning is necessary. His grace alone is enough to free the life of a person from the clutches of ever changing illusion (Maya) and lead him towards the feet that bestow permanent peace and bliss. But one must stick to one ideal and continue on that path fearlessly without caring for troubles, tribulations and hindrances. One should cry before one's chosen deity and continue to pray incessantly with love, devotion and unflinching faith. There should be intense restlessness for His grace and grief of separateness from the Lord. If so, one day He the One behind many - will take us across the treacherous ocean of transmigration
Certainly, we have to say, upon reading this book, that Mrs Anand first did, then she wrote. One should cry before one's chosen deity and continue to pray incessantly with love. The book is replete with her full, trusting devotion and personal relationship with Swami. The depth of sharing that personal relationship builds a rich reservoir of wisdom in this book, wisdom and spiritual truth the heart leaps up in joy when reading. The principal spiritual truth that Mrs Anand shares from her experiences with Swami is this: One has to follow his or her chosen path tenaciously and no lose heart on the way because the joy of the pudding is in the eating and not merely in hearing and forgetting.
The author has remarkable insight into her dreams. Once she had a dream where she saw the entrances to the prayer hall at Prashanti Mandir. However, she could not enter as there were tiger cubs guarding all the doorways. the author understood this dream as indicative of animal tendencies preventing access to the Holy of Holies.
Many devotees cry in darshan, weeping tears of bliss, or perhaps tears come when the prison bars surrounding the heart finally break by way of divine grace in darshan and the walls come tumbling down as the heart opens to the divine grace pouring within. In many other places, tears fall, in bhajan, satsangh, prayer and in selfless service. Often these are tears of gratitude for the grace and spiritual gifts bestown by Baba. At the end of many chapters, Mrs Anand has poems or cites Baba, like so:
Sai Rama, the eternally blissful one, Makes you mad and rids you of madness. This Bala Rama is the one who makes a Yogi a worldly one. And a worldly one into a Yogi. This Chinni Rama, the immortal one, Makes a person cry and rids him of tears.
Mrs Anand agreed to lead a study circle on the subject of rebirth. She went home and read books, consulted her notes, to prepare. She felt unprepared and totally unsatisfied, and told Baba so when she went to bed that evening. A dream followed:
In the dream, I saw an extremely peaceful place with shadows of densely growing trees. Bhagawan Baba was sitting on a flat stone, with one hand resting on the other, around whose Lotus Feet some men and me were sitting. I noticed that I was the only lady in that group of spiritual aspirants. Looking at me, Baba said, "What is the difficulty in talking about rebirth?" As He said this, He touched the point between His two eyebrows and elucidated further, "Look, all of you have emerged from here. After finishing your cycle on the earth as per My will, you return to this very point. Your birth and death is decided by Me as per your deeds."
I got up from this dream and looking at His photograph, thanked Him profusely. Baba had solved my problem in a trice! In the evening, I related my experience to everybody at the study circle. There is always a deep purpose behind whatever Baba says and whatever experiences He grants us.
Bhagawan helps His devotees in every way to move forward on the path of devotion and God-Realisation. Success depends on the degree of our earnestness, yearning, renunciation, truth and self-control. Self-control is the basic necessity which should be practiced at every step and in every activity of life. That means that not the body or the mind, but the Supreme Self should be in command of our every word, thought and deed.
That last paragraph is the principal message of this author. Everything that happens in our lives is due divine grace, and above all, our spiritual progress is utterly dependent on that grace alone - fruit of our spiritual merits, this life and in many, many previous lives.
Mrs Anand warns of people speaking, writing and using terms they do not fully understand. When the author used to speak to friends and colleagues. As time went on, Mrs Anand began to feel that without truly understanding their significance, she was repeating terms such as wisdom, delusion, liberation the Atma, transmigration, and the like. Mrs Anand issues her own warning that unless seekers are truly acquainted with such realities the terms describe, then we cannot fully understand their spiritual depth. In another chapter, the author writes
... we humans cannot understand Divinity. But we have every right to experience and become one with it. That is the goal of life. Experience is real; everything else is merely a dry concept.
The writer shares an interesting dream where a small cream coloured container to Baba. Baba unscrewed the lid, and cockroaches came out in large numbers and began running hither and thither. Later Mrs Anand understood that the cockroaches represent latent demonical qualities within. Desires can be canalised, managed. But what of latent desires and qualities which we are unaware of? A powerful reminder that we are much more than the body, the senses, the mind, etc., etc.
Mrs Anand tells of her many interviews with her husband and son. Replete with humility, the author shares her inner experiences of the Divine love emanating from Baba. The following captures her experience:
Thus the Lord of endless Love showered endless grace on this unworthy child of His. What can I say through words when the tears of gratitude are telling the feelings of my heart more lucidly? I remember the words of Meera Bai who said, "I am immersed in the colour of my Krishna, O friend; I too have taken that colour of love"
The words of Meera Bai, the metaphor of the colour of love is a fitting descriptor of the experiences of Mrs Anand. Direct experience of Divine Love, Madhura Bhakthi, is the same no matter the religion, faith, path or gender of the person experiencing that love. The Divine is forever loving life into all that is, all existence, all creatures, and thus all are embodiments of divine love, as Baba so aptly begins his Divine Discourses with. Mrs Anand has written a most useful book, for it causes deep reflection on the "giftedness" of our spiritual life, that all we experience and receive is direct gift of grace of the Divine, himself. We are all going in the same direction, as Mrs Anand tells (and shared in her dream about the study circle on rebirth); we are all going in same direction to the same goal. Start early, drive carefully, arrive safely.
A humble book, worthy of your bookshelf, and your personal spiritual reading.
$5 (includes postage and packaging) from Sai Books, 24 Kenilworth Ave, Wonga Park, 3115,
Margaret and Randall McDonald
email books [at] saiaustralia.org.au
Phone (03)9722 1740